So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
