the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize