I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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