Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
