So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
