i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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