I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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