I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
