God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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