Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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