Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
