I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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