dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
