It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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