ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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