I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
