The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
