So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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