Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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