just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
