I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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