Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
