So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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