I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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