did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
