Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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