You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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