I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
