Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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