in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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