there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
