the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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