I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
