areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
