it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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