i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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