Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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