This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize