She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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