we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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