never play flip cup with pint glasses
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
