You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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