it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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