She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
