i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
