Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
