I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
