i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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