just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
