I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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