I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
