I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
