My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
