i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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