Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
