All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
