toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
