Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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