I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
