Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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